Arlington National Cemetery, as most of you know, occupies land owned before the Civil War by the family of Robert E. Lee. After Lee resigned his commission in the U.S. Army to fight on the Confederate side, the Federal military brass started using the grounds of the estate to bury the Union dead created by Lee’s generalship.

I propose a portion of King George II’s estate in Crawford be used for the burial of U.S. military personnel killed in Iraq. That way, if there really is an afterlife, we have at least some hope of seeing Bush’s lies come back to haunt him.

They’re attacking Barack Obama over his basketball game. I repeat — his basketball game.

Is there a 12-step program for conservatives who are ready to wean themselves off whatever bug juice they’ve been swigging for the past decade?

It gets outraged because Barack Obama’s campaign is using a German-language flyer — to promote an appearance in Germany! 

The sea of Germans drummed up by the Obama campaign will be used as props to tell us Americans how to vote, and the campaign isn’t trying to pretend otherwise. That’s breathtakingly arrogant, and par for the course for Barack Obama.

In an argument, I do try to keep a charitable mindset and not simply asssume my opponent’s arguments are shaped by a brain-cell deficit. But I mean . . . come on. How does the author of such a statement cross the street without getting run over, or tie his sneakers without hanging himself?

“Breathtaking” indeed.

Now only an expert can deal with a problem.
Cos half of the problem is seeing the problem.
And only an expert can deal with the problem.
Only an expert can deal with the problem.

So if there’s no expert dealing with a problem,
then really it’s actually twice the problem.
Cos only an expert can deal with the problem.
Only an expert can deal with the problem.

Now in America, we like solutions. We like solutions to problems. And there’s so many companies that offer solutions. Companies with names like: The Pet Solution, The Hair Solution, The Debt Solution, The World Solution, The Sushi Solution.

The debt solution… Now, only an expert can see there’s a problem.
And these companies are experts ready to solve these problems.
Cos only an expert can deal with the problem.
Only an expert can deal with the problem.

Now, let’s say you’re invited to be on Oprah, and you don’t have a problem, but you wanna go on the show, and so you need a problem. And so you invent a problem. But if you’re not an expert in problems, you’re probably not going to make up a very plausible problem. And so you’re probably gonna get nailed. You’re gonna get exposed, you’re gonna have to bow down and apologise and beg for the public’s forgiveness. Because only an expert can see there’s a problem. And only an expert can deal with a problem. Only an expert can deal with a problem.

And on these shows that try to solve your problems, the big question’s always: how can I get control. How can I take control. But, don’t forget, this is a question for the regular viewer, the person who is barely getting by. The person who is watching shows about people with problems, the person who is one of the 60 percent of the US population 1.3 weeks away, 1.3 paychecks away from homelessness. In other words… a person with problems.

So when experts say let’s get to the root of the problem, let’s take control of the problem, cos if you take control of the problem, you can solve the problem. Often this doesn’t work at all because the situation is completely out of control.

Cos only an expert can deal with the problem.
And only an expert can deal with the problem.
And only an expert can deal with the problem.

So, who are these experts? Now, experts are usually self-appointed people or elected officials or people skilled in sales techniques, trained or self-taught to focus on things that might be identified as problems. But the expert is someone who studies the problem and tries to solve the problem. The expert is someone who carries malpractice insurance. Because often the solution becomes… the problem.

And only an expert can deal with the problem.
And only an expert can deal with the problem.
Only an expert can deal with the problem.

Now sometimes experts look for weapons. And sometimes experts look everywhere for weapons. And sometimes when they don’t find any weapons, sometimes other experts say: if you haven’t found any weapons, it doesn’t mean there are no weapons. And other experts looking for weapons find things like cleaning fluids and refrigerator rods and small magnets. And they say: these may look like common objects to you, but in our opinion, they could be weapons. Or they could be used to make weapons. Or they could be used to ship weapons. Or to store weapons. Cos only an expert can see they might be weapons. And only an expert can deal with weapons. And only an expert can deal with problems.

Cos only an expert can deal with the problem.
And only an expert can deal with the problem.
Only an expert can deal with the problem.

You know, and sometimes, if it’s really really really really really hot, and it’s July in January, and there’s no more snow, and huge waves are wiping out cities, and hurricanes are everywhere, and everyone knows it’s a problem. But if some of the experts say it’s no problem, and if other experts claim it’s no problem or explain why it’s no problem, then it’s simply not a problem.

But, when an expert says it’s a problem and makes a movie about the problem and wins an Oscar about the problem then all the other experts have to agree that it is, most likely, a problem.

Cos only an expert can deal with the problem.
And only an expert can deal with the problem.
Only an expert can deal with the problem.

And even though a country can invade another country, and flatten it, and ruin it, and create havoc and civil war and refugees in that country, and if the experts say it’s not a problem and if everyone agrees that they’re experts and good at solving problems, then invading these countries is simply — not — a problem.

And if a country tortures people, and holds citizens without cause or trial, and sets up military tribunals, this is also not a problem. Unless there’s an expert who says it is the beginning… of a problem.

Cos only an expert can deal with the problem.
And only an expert can deal with the problem.
And only an expert can deal with the problem.

And only an expert can deal with the problem.
And only an expert can deal with the problem.
Only an expert can deal with the problem.

Cos seeing the problem is half the problem.
And only an expert can deal with the problem.
Only an expert can deal with the problem.

Some utterly frightening and yet bizarrely beautiful images from atomic tests, gathered by Picdit. The above image was taken by the French military during a July 3, 1970 test (codenamed “Canopus” ) at the Fangataufa atoll. Go to the site and look at the “Trinity” photo. Can anyone explain why it looks like an immense soap bubble?

Robert Novak, who has been known not to lie on occasion, delivers a revelation about Hillary Clinton so amazing it could only be printed in parentheses:

(In private conversations, Clinton has expressed the view that Obama’s emphasis on Iraq — her Senate vote for it, his against it — defeated her.)

Leapin’ lizards! guess that’s why they call him a news columnist, eh?

As I’ve said before, I preferred the days when the big-time Rutgers University football program was providing fodder for jokes on The Sopranos. It’s not that I have a special animus against football, but because the Scarlet Knights managed to become slightly less of an embarrassment after decades of floundering, too many people are ready to overlook the Enron-level accounting and origami-style logical twists needed to make this pigskin-lined money sink look like a real asset to the university and the state.

This Star-Ledger cartoon puts it nicely, but if you need some more information, check out the Rutgers 1000 site, which highlights the steadily mounting expense of the planned expansion of the Robert E. Mulcahy Ego Emporium and Fiscal Fiasco Forum Rutgers Football Stadium in Piscataway. In the past I’ve thought that the image of the Big Time Football Program should not be a knight but Mister Magoo, all nearsightedness and blissful ignorance as he staggers down George Street in his racoon-skin coat.

Nowadays, I’m more inclined to think the program’s mascot should be Count Dracula, dribbling red ink as he sucks away more and more resources from a university that needs to remember its responsibilities as an educational institution, not a welfare program for gridiron groupies.

I’ve been noticing an increasing amount of pingback spam, which I gather is the next generation of comment spam. Instead of leaving comments with the usual links to porn sites or merchandising come-ons, the spammer links to a blog post and expects readers to follow the pingback. Anybody else noticed this? Or is it already well know, as I suspect is the case? I’ve never tried to pass myself off as the most up-to-date blogger on the Web.

Barbara Ehrenreich (author of the classic Nickel and Dimed) has a new book out, This Land is Their Land: Reports from a Divided Nation, a collection of essays, articles and columns — gathered from The Progressive, The Nation and the NYT, among others — chronicling the social and economic wreckage that will be the Bush administration’s legacy in America. In the clip above, Ehrenreich talks about her book with Minnesota talk-show host Jack Rice. Ehrenreich will be online for questions next weekend at the Firedoglake book salon.

* * * * *

David Sirota, author of The Uprising: An Unauthorized Tour of the Populist Revolt Scaring Wall Street and Washington, goes on Fox Noise to demolish the GOP’s let-them-eat-cake attitude as typified by Phil Gramm and his notion that people caught in the economic downturn are a bunch of whiners. (Actually, it’s more a let’s-give-their-cake-to-our-rich-campaign-contributors attitude.) Going up against a Republican wingertron who can do nothing but recite discredited nonsense, Sirota acquits himself admirably.

* * * * *

Given the rock-bottom ratings of the Fox Business channel, Naomi Klein’s appearance on its surrealistically vapid “Happy Hour” probably did more to boost the channel’s fortunes than it did to boost sales of the new paperback edition of The Shock Doctrine: The Rise of Disaster Capitalism. Nevertheless, Klein took her message right into the faces of the Fox news twinkies, who were reduced to hollow-sounding laughter as Klein explained how the Bush administration’s attempt to expand offshore drilling by manipulating worries about the oil crunch is classic “disaster capitalism” — using calamities and fears to ram through measures and changes that would never have passed muster with the voters.

One of SCTV’s later seasons included a spoof of local TV children’s programming, which back in the days when there really were local TV channels meant getting some over-the-hill actor to dress up as a ringmaster or a ship captain and introduce ancient Three Stooges films and cartoons nobody else would touch. The SCTV spoof show was called “Happy Hour,” featuring a well-oiled host named Happy Marsden. I’m not sure Fox Business wants to cultivate that kind of association with its own “Happy Hour” show, but from what I’ve seen the SCTV version isn’t that much goofier than what Fox is trying to do.

* * * * *

When Bruce Bartlett walks down the street, do people roll their eyes and use their fingers to make little twirly motions next to their heads? Even by the sub-sub-basement standards of the Wall Street Journal, Bartlett’s column arguing that the GOP is the true party of civil rights, the theme of his new book Wrong on Race: The Democratic Party’s Buried Past. The childlike inanity of Bartlett’s attempt to pretend that the GOP is still the party of Lincoln, not the party of Jesse Helms, Strom Thurmond and Trent Lott, brings out the best in some bloggers. Matt Yglesias points out that while the Republican Party had a great record on race in the 19th century, there’s been some water under the bridge since then. John Hobo decides that Bartlett is asking African-Americans to vote for long-dead candidates and takes it from there.

* * * * *

Pioneering hip hop artist Grandmaster Flash has a book out: The Adventures of Grandmaster Flash: My Life, My Beats. Listen to him talk about it with Bat Segundo.

The childlike inanity of Bruce Bartlett’s column in today’s WSJ, “The GOP Is the Party of Civil Rights,” really is astonishing, and only goes to emphasize that in today’s wingnut-rich media environment, there is literally nothing too ridiculous or offensive to go unpublished as long as it goes out with a conservative marketing tag.

Bartlett’s burble — please don’t call it an “argument” — has it that the Republicans are the true paladins of civil rights. Considering that the halls of wingerdom are still echoing with tributes to the late Jesse Helms, as disgusting a racist as ever slithered through the corridors of power, that’s pretty rich. As one might expect, Bartlett has to reach pretty far back into the historical record to back up this claim.

Lyndon Johnson consistently opposed civil-rights legislation while he was in Congress, but as president worked hard to pass the Civil Rights Act of 1964 and the Voting Rights Act of 1965. Neither would have passed without the strong support of congressional Republicans, who provided the margin of victory.

Richard Nixon is said to have developed a “Southern strategy” of using racial code words like “law and order” to gain votes in the South. Yet he did more to desegregate southern schools than any president in history. Nixon also created affirmative action to help break the power of racist labor unions, and minority set-asides for government contracts to aid black entrepreneurs.

Bartlett is amusing to watch as he trips over the facts he’s trying to spin, such as when he has to admit that Harry Truman “deserves great credit” for desegregating the civil service and the military. But really, let’s just cut to the chase. The era of Civil Rights legislation prompted the exodus of the Democractic Party’s “Dixiecrat” racist faction first to independent movements like the States’ Rights Party, and then the GOP. Strom Thurmond left the Democrats to become a Republican because of his support for Barry Goldwater in 1964. Helms switched to the GOP in 1970. Nixon’s “Southern Strategy” of coded appeals to racism has been quite effective. Not only does Bartlett skip past the Dixiecrat element, he neglects to mention that the affirmative action programs and minority set-asides begun by the Nixon administration arouse nothhing but loathing among contemporary Republicans and conservatives.

And to think that a respectable publishing house, Palgrave Macmillan, just laid out good coin for the chance to publish a book-length version of Barlett’s intellectual finger-painting. Will it toddle up the bestseller list to join other loaded diapers like Liberal Fascism? I’m not sure, but this much I know: the intellectual decay of conservatism is getting nastier by the week.