Declaration of In(ternet)dependence (8/28/04)

December 29, 2006

We hold these truths to be self-evident:

That the values of American civilization — the free flow and contest of ideas, openness to all races and ethnicities, the recognition that a 21st century technological civilization cannot be run like an 18th century village, that government must serve as a countervailing force to unchecked corporate profit-chasing — are currently the domain of liberalism.

That conservatism has degraded and undermined its honorable intellectual heritage through its own actions in the last two decades, and needs a nice long stretch in the wilderness to clean up its act.

That the average illegal immigrant has more courage, resourcefulness and appreciation of American values than Michelle Malkin.

That anybody who argues that George W. Bush and his cronies can lay claim seriously to any kind of positive role in defending this country against terrorists is nothing more than a Republican hack.

That Zell Miller and Clueless Joe Lieberman should stop trying to kid everybody and just join the Republican Party already.

That the right side won the Civil War, and Trent Lott (among many others) should come to grips with that fact and get on with their lives.

That capitalism is a fine thing, but that entirely too many people confuse it with corporatism and cronyism.

That America does many things superbly, but Canada takes first-place honors for beer and health care.

That we will not overlook the misdeeds of Democrats and liberals, but that right now the Republicans and their media drones offer a freakin’ target-rich environment.

That, in the words of our last elected president, this Supreme Court cannot be allowed to choose the next president, and this president cannot be allowed to choose the next Supreme Court.

That there is no god but (watch this space).

That religion and spirituality are, paradoxically, best served by a society in which secular values are dominant, and that therefore Bill O’Reilly should put a sock in it.

That Jerry Falwell, Pat Robertson, Cal Thomas and others of their noisome ilk share with Osama bin Laden the unshakable belief that the United States did something to deserve Sept. 11.

That all three networks should have their licenses yanked for failing to serve the interests of the public that owns the airwaves they use to reap enormous profits.

That at a time when corporate-dominated news outlets are unqualified to report on anything more complicated than the travails of the Olsen twins — and entirely too willing to spout Republican talking points in place of analysis — a documentarian like Michael Moore is a necessary evil. And not all that evil, either, when you come right down to it.

That an elected president will be a nice change of pace after the last four years.

Let the grinding begin.

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