Hit Him With Your Best Shot

According to today’s Auditor, freshly minted Democratic Sen. Bob Menendez had immortality within his grasp during his swearing-in ceremony down in Washington D.C., but he fumbled:

During a brief lull at the swearing-in of Sen. Robert Menendez, Vice President Dick Cheney leaned in toward the Democrat and made reference to his campaign against state Sen. Tom Kean Jr.

“We thought we had a shot at you up in New Jersey,” Cheney said, as related by Menendez spokesman Matt Miller.

“You came at me hard, but I’m sorry to disappoint you,” answered Menendez.

Now, how lame is that? I can understand that someone might feel a brief rush of terror at hearing “Deadeye Dick” Cheney say, “We thought we had a shot at you,” but senators are expected to have a little more sangfroid than the rest of us. Menendez could have launched his Senate career with a truly devastating one-liner that would have been part of Cheney’s resume forever, the way Gerald R. Ford will forever be tagged with Lyndon Johnson’s remark that “Gerald Ford has been playing football without a helmet for too long.”

The senator’s son came up with something of a comeback, alas, too late for proper use:

The senator’s college-age son, Rob, thought his dad should have had a snappier comeback for the man who accidentally gave a hunting companion a face full of buckshot last year. Something like: “You need to be a better shot, Mr. Vice President.”

No no no no NO no no. That’s not enough. What was called for was something along the lines of, “Well, Mr. Vice President, maybe you should have invited me to go hunting with you,” or, “I guess I’m not as good a target as Harry Whittington,” or some freakin’ thing. What’s the worst that could have happened. It’s not like Cheney would have said “Go fuck yourself,” or something. Oh, wait a minute . . .

Please send your suggestions to me here so they cn be collated and forwarded to the senator’s office for recreational reading. One lucky respondent will receive a copy of Al Jaffee’s Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions as a reward for the best response.