Twinkie Media, Inc.

February 9, 2007

Just like they did last year when the JonBenet Ramsey case bobbed back to the surface for a few weeks, the television news twinkies practically screamed with relief as the word got out that Anna Nicole Smith had died, rescuing them from the dread prospect of actually covering real news.

As I walked along the sidewalk this morning, bimbo pictures gleamed from behind the plastic door of each newsbox: TRAGIC BEAUTY was a particularly nauseating headline. When I logged onto the computer at work, the MSN home page asked, “What Made Us Care About Anna Nicole?”

“Us” never gave a damn about Anna Nicole Smith. Only the news twinkies care. They care because she was a big busty blond who kept them supplied with T&A shots, and her death lets them trot out all of their old cleavage coverage for endless replays. If she had been flat-chested, none of them would even know her name. Even though I’ve been diligently avoiding reading any of the non-news updates, a fleeting glance of a recent headline left me with the absolutely vital news that she appears to have choked to death on her own vomit. Would that the same thing could happen to our big-time corporate media outlets. Public airwaves loaded with nothing but white noise and static would be an improvement over what we have now. 

What a crappy, tawdry world our news media inhabit. I’m keeping the TV turned off this weekend, so I don’t have to inhabit it with them for even a few seconds. Iraq War, Scooter Libby trial, ongoing atrocities approved by the Bush administration — all of that will just have to fall by the wayside. A blond gold-digger with a nice rack and an empty skull just died, and that’s all the world needs to hear about for the next few days.   

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4 Responses to “Twinkie Media, Inc.”

  1. geoff Says:

    At lunch I turned on MSNBC–and there was a roundtable discussing Anna Nicole’s significance. Some moron actually said that Anna had “a real reality about her.”

    As opposed, I suppose, to “a fake fakeness.”

  2. Scott Stiefel Says:

    Nobody seems to be dwelling on her “grotesquely fat” period from about five years ago, or considering that maybe part of why she died is that the strain of all that weight followed by megadoses of that TrimSpa crap took their toll on her.

  3. Alison Says:

    Hubby and I spent a period of time watching her “reality show”, sort of like you have to slow down on the highway to check out an accident. We were able, every week, to get all the snarkiness out of our systems and face the world with nothing but sweetness and light. Yeah, she was a mess, and if it weren’t for her own publicity machine, we’d never hear of her. However, to see her on the front page of the Ledger and the war stories relegated to pages farther along tells us a lot about media focus.

  4. Caveat Says:

    I had the pleasure of visiting New York for Westminster during this latest feeding frenzy. There was no actual ‘news’ on the so-called ‘news’at my hotel, which only seemed to get a few channels.

    These carrion-eaters in the media have no compassion and no conscience. They don’t care who they hurt. I am glad the kid is too young to read, let’s put it that way.

    As for Ms Smith, sure she was a bimbo but so what? Are the details of her life my business? No, they aren’t.

    So it’s change the channel or turn it off.


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