Are You There, God? It’s Me, Mr. Flaming Wingnut Hypocrite

July 10, 2007

Oh my goodness, tut tut tut, a family values Republican turns out to be one of the names in the D.C. madam’s little address book. Boy, I’ll bet you didn’t see that one coming. Could have knocked me over with a feather when I heard that news.

Like all the other Jesus whoopers infesting the GOP, Sen. David Vitter manages to sound colossally arrogant even as he protests his meekness before the Lord:

“This was a very serious sin in my past for which I am, of course, completely responsible. Several years ago, I asked for and received forgiveness from God and my wife in confession and marriage counseling. Out of respect for my family, I will keep my discussion of the matter there — with God and them. But I certainly offer my deep and sincere apologies to all I have disappointed and let down in any way.”

It sure was decent of the Deity to take time off from His busy schedule of managing the cosmos in order to listen to the whining of some two-bit Bible thumper from the fever swamps of Wingnuttia. Nice to know He was there to bestow His forgiveness personally on the little hypocrite.

But how can Senator Vitter be so sure he’s currently copacetic with the creator of the universe? I’m curious. Did the forgiveness arrive as flaming letters burned into Vitter’s wall? Or has the big guy in the sky joined the digital age and started forgiving sinners via e-mail alerts? That would sure speed things up. Maybe Google would have to abandon the g-mail designation — wouldn’t want to make waves with the God of Wrath, now would you?

Details, senator, details! Inquiring minds want to know!  

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One Response to “Are You There, God? It’s Me, Mr. Flaming Wingnut Hypocrite”

  1. Cautious Man Says:

    Senator Vitter’s not a “thumper”, technically, since according to the news reports he’s Catholic. So, forgiveness follows confession.

    I don’t know if he confessed to being hypocritical, or just to the sex stuff, however. Also, he’s one of those guys who doesn’t get the point that confession doesn’t mean that you can do whatever you damn well please, and it’s no problem.


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