Prophet Elisha’s Baadaasssss Song

November 30, 2007

“The 9 Most Badass Bible Verses,” illustrated. Personally, my favorite is No. 8, from II Kings 2:23-24, in which the loving Lord sends bears to maul some kids who made fun of Elisha. The compiler explains the verse’s continued relevance for today:

Christians are constantly asking for prayer in schools to help get today’s kids in line, but we beg to differ. We need bears in schools. If every teacher had the power to summon a pair of child-maiming grizzly avengers, you can bet that schoolchildren nowadays would be the most well-behaved, polite children, ever. It’s a simple choice: listen to the biology lesson, or get first-hand knowledge of the digestive system of Ursus horribilis.

Maybe the big guy in the sky could send some bruins to any cineplexes showing The Golden Compass.


4 Responses to “Prophet Elisha’s Baadaasssss Song”

  1. geoff Says:

    After three months in the Baltimore City Public School System, I am ready for some bears. Or alligators. Or whatever.

  2. Chucky Says:

    Speaking of “The Golden Compass”, it’ll have a sneak preview tomorrow night. Check your favorite showtime website.

  3. Billy (A Liberal Disabled Vet) Says:

    So, would the bears eat the children who have been trained by their church to disrupt biology classes with questions about gene sequences and other items the poor biology teacher most likely learned in college but probably can’t remember now because of the dumbed down science books in order to disrupt teaching about, wait for it, EVOLUTION?

  4. Bill Bowman Says:

    Don’t grab the junk … oh, my sides hurt.

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