Highway 35 Revisited

December 1, 2007

It appears that the Almighty has designated Interstate Highway 35, which runs from Texas all the way up to the Canadian border, as a traffic corridor for heavenly doings. At least, that’s what Pat Robertson and his mighty band of Jesus whoopers think. No word on whether the Deity uses EZPass, or its Midwestern equivalent, but somehow I have to believe that He would appreciate the convenience.

(This is, you will recall, the same highway that we were being warned would become a NAFTA Superhighway by none other than Jerome Corsi, one of the sleazes behind the Swift Boat Veterans attacks on John Kerry’s war record. Is there some special kind of pollution along this road that inspires such epic wingnuttery? Does the automobile exhaust blend with the diesel fumes in a previously unknown way?)

Anyway, nomadic tribes of Bible-bangers have been ranging up and down the highway to stage Jesus whoopathons — or, as they prefer to call them, “purity sieges” — in front of abortion clinics and gay bars. They’re even claiming that they’ve gotten some miraculous, on-the-spot conversions. I’ll just bet they have. Praise the Lord and pass the lubricant!

Remember “Hands Across America”? I guess this is “Snake Handlers Across America.”


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