The Kneepad Brigade
May 1, 2008
If you really want to take your gag reflex out for a spin, try this sample of the way the pundits squealed five years ago when the Boy Emperor went flouncing across that aircraft carrier deck with a couple of socks jammed down his flight suit. Joke Line, Tweety Matthews, Drowsy Dave Broder — all our faves fell all over themselves in the rush to bow down before the greatness that was Incurious George. In particular, check out G. Gordon Liddy as he checks out . . . oh, you know:
After all, Al Gore had to go get some woman to tell him how to be a man. And here comes George Bush. You know, he’s in his flight suit, he’s striding across the deck, and he’s wearing his parachute harness, you know — and I’ve worn those because I parachute — and it makes the best of his manly characteristic. You go run those — run that stuff again of him walking across there with the parachute. He has just won every woman’s vote in the United States of America. You know, all those women who say size doesn’t count — they’re all liars. Check that out.
Having read Liddy’s autobiographical rodomontade Will back in college, I’ve always suspected there was, shall we say, a little too much emphasis on the he-man stuff, considering the rather glaring divide between the author’s image of himself and the rather pathetic career chronicled in the book’s pages. Almost like Liddy was, how to put it, overcompensating for something about himself. Let’s just say that when the leader of the Political Gang That Couldn’t Burglarize Straight started slobbering over Bush’s crotch on television, I wasn’t too surprised.
Incidentally, despite what you have been hearing in some quarters, that “Mission Accomplished” banner was entirely appropriate. As students of The Bush Bust-Out know, the mission was never about service, security or stewardship. That grinning chimp knew he had the whole thing dicked, that the twin specters of Osama bin laden and Saddam Hussein were going to keep him in power until all the cash registers had been broken open, all the bank vaults had been looted, and all the goodies pocketed.
I don’t know what the Latin translation of “So Long, Suckers” would be, but that’s what should replace “E Pluribus Unum” on the national seal once Bush swaggers back to Texas for the last time.