Your Morning Cup of Hot Steaming Stupid

February 1, 2009

No matter how tough a day I may be having at work, I know there’ll be a smile waiting for me whenever a NewsMax e-mail alert appears in my in-box. Whether it’s an  investment scam, a call to arms  against another mythical threat to the winger talk radio aviary, a  morsel of  quack health advice, another Dick Morris toe-sucker bulletin or a hustle to buy a hand-cranked emergency radio (“Terror chatter is high — protect your family!”) NewsMax bulletins are like a CNN Headline News broadcast beamed directly from the conservative Id.  Since the conservative mind consists solely of Id — no Superego, just a lot of Egos and  Super Egos — we may assume that NewsMax bulletins function as an EEG of conservative brain activity, with its cyclical bursts of psychotic frenzy and long stretches of flatlined unresponsiveness.

Perhaps a better metaphor would be a diner with an extremely limited menu and staff ranging from incompetent to indifferent. At the NewsMax Diner the food is indigestible, the pies are always half-baked and the crockery is never clean, but the stupid is always brewed fresh and served straight-up, piping hot.  

Now I see DougJ has discovered this reliable source of grins, and I wish him much fun with it. He should bear in mind that they’ve been predicting that war with Iran since Mitt Romney was considered a shoo-in for the presidency, but the NewsMax Diner never stocks anything with a clearly dated shelf life.


4 Responses to “Your Morning Cup of Hot Steaming Stupid”

  1. Virginia Says:

    I cannot help but wonder, why do you read it?

  2. Scott Stiefel Says:

    Didn’t Seymour Hersh spend the better part of three years publicizing rumors about invasion plans?

  3. Caveat Says:

    Hilarious post – I think I’ll subscribe to NewsMax, I could use the laffs.

  4. Bill Says:

    I subscribed for a while, but I soon grew tired of the crap they kept sending me.

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