Your Morning Cup of Hot Steaming Stupid
February 1, 2009
No matter how tough a day I may be having at work, I know there’ll be a smile waiting for me whenever a NewsMax e-mail alert appears in my in-box. Whether it’s an investment scam, a call to arms against another mythical threat to the winger talk radio aviary, a morsel of quack health advice, another Dick Morris toe-sucker bulletin or a hustle to buy a hand-cranked emergency radio (“Terror chatter is high — protect your family!”) NewsMax bulletins are like a CNN Headline News broadcast beamed directly from the conservative Id. Since the conservative mind consists solely of Id — no Superego, just a lot of Egos and Super Egos — we may assume that NewsMax bulletins function as an EEG of conservative brain activity, with its cyclical bursts of psychotic frenzy and long stretches of flatlined unresponsiveness.
Perhaps a better metaphor would be a diner with an extremely limited menu and staff ranging from incompetent to indifferent. At the NewsMax Diner the food is indigestible, the pies are always half-baked and the crockery is never clean, but the stupid is always brewed fresh and served straight-up, piping hot.
Now I see DougJ has discovered this reliable source of grins, and I wish him much fun with it. He should bear in mind that they’ve been predicting that war with Iran since Mitt Romney was considered a shoo-in for the presidency, but the NewsMax Diner never stocks anything with a clearly dated shelf life.