Dream a Little Dream

The field of Republican presidential hopefuls has become pathetic to an almost surrealistic degree, and wingers floating new possibilities are sounding more and more like staff writers during the final season of Fantasy Island trying to come up with something that will hold people’s attention. 

Come on, guys, think. Macaca Man has been put out to Confederate pasture in Virginia, so how about dusting off John McCain? Whoops, John McCain is melting like a wax doll in the Baghdad sun, so how about Mitt Romney? Ummmm, Romney’s flip-flopping like a bass on a hot deck, so how about Rudy Giuliani? He likes to throw dark-skinned people in jail! Oh, wait, he also backs federal funding for abortions? Keep fishing in that car file . . .

Not exactly an inspiring bunch, certainly not anything to get the witch-burners and Jesus whoopers excited. So now we have the New York Sun donning Ricardo Montalban’s white three-piece to announce . . . Dick Cheney?

Like the idea of Newt Gingrich throwing his propeller beanie into the ring, the prospect of Cardinal Fang coming out of the Rose Garden shrubbery to stand for president is enough to have me shouting “Yes!” more times than Molly Bloom. Sigh — it’s not to be, I’m afraid. But a fella can dream, can’t he?